Make Babies, Not War

Over the years, when I was still writing for The New Paper, I repeatedly called for Singaporeans to have more sex.

One reason, of course, is the fact that we are a graying population, meaning there are more deaths than births. The more important reason is that every year, we keep winning the Durex survey, where we consistently have less sex than the rest of the human population, as well as dogs.

Which is really pathetic, if you think about it, because dogs don't have real sex.

Take the two I have at home. Both males and unspayed, they hump anything from other male dogs (I'm open-minded), table legs, human legs, arms and ever so often, thin air. Strangely enough, they have not learned to hump female dogs. They sniff the females' nether regions alot, but never get round to actually doing the deed.

I reckon this is because they are gay, but that doesn't really explain the table legs, human legs, arms and thin air.

PM Lee, in his National Day Rally, called for Singaporeans to have more babies. I often say things like this in my blog to make myself look like I'm in touch with current affairs. I almost considered cutting-and-pasting the relevant portion of the speech here, but I was frightened that someone who has a lot of free time on their hands might write a blog as long as Homer's Odyssey and call it The Many Lies of The Lah Lah Times.

Haha, that in itself was, of course, a lie. If someone were to write that blog, it would only be as long as a Japanese dick for the following reasons:

1) This is only my fourth post;

2) I have only lied once (including the one two paragraphs ago);

and

3) I have the online presence of a peanut.

Back to making babies. I blame the Government for the lack of babies. I see many of you nodding your head in agreement, because you think I'm referring to their way too successful campaign of Stop At Two back when policemen wore shorts.

That, however, is a myopic view - which is not surprising, seeing that 95% of our population suffer from myopia.

The real reasons as to why the Government is to blame for our lack of babies is as follows:-

1) They have a silly monogamy law.

It's a simple equation. The more people we are legally allowed to marry, the more babies we will have. I urge all the artistes of Singapore to get together and make a video of how we should repeal this law, much like how you did for the infamous 377a. Repeal it, I say.

2) They blocked Youporn.

The second one is particularly damaging. Educational sites such as Youporn should never be blocked. Without them, we would never have learned important things such as threesome and gangbang. Both these activities, with the correct male-female proportion, greatly increases the risk, ah, I mean, chances of pregnancy.

There are many things one can also learn. For instance, I learned Japanese. I never knew bukkake meant facial.

There you have it, my blueprint of how to have more babies. Talk to your MP today.